TO ABBYY: Five months ago, after eight years, my fiancee ended our relationship. I still have very strong feelings for her, even though she deceives me and doesn’t communicate with me.
We agreed from the beginning that if the relationship ends, the ring (or its worth) will be returned to me. I have sent many emails and text messages and received no response. Her explanation of her being silent for 22 days – just before she broke up with me over the phone ̵1; was because I “gave her an ultimatum”.
She chose the ring and told me many times how much she loved it. Do you think she still has “feelings” for you and that’s why she refuses to return the ring? – REMOVE NO RINGS
DEAR DUMPED: No, I think she still loves RING, that’s why she refused to give it back. Since your ex-fiancé has chosen to keep it rather than follow your etiquette rules or verbal agreement, it’s time to consult an attorney. If you want that ring back (or its worth), you may have to take her to court to get it. Let’s GLAD you will get rid of her, even if that is not your idea.
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DEAR ABBY: I have an extremely intelligent and well-educated friend who her emotions, ideas, and opinions seem to have surrendered to the control of her relatively new spouse that. I should add that he has a bad temper, and I’m afraid it might escalate.
What options do I have for reporting or intervening in a situation? It was possible she was willing to send it, but it didn’t seem the same. I have personal experience of this situation with family members, but I don’t want to make a fuss if I’m wrong. – FRIENDS CARE AT KANSAS
TO FRIENDS: Unless you have evidence that your friend is being physically abused, the most helpful thing you can do is stay in close contact and make sure she knows you will always be with her. if she needs you, day or night. If she confides her husband is emotionally abusing, support her by reminding her that, despite what her husband may have told her, she is still intelligent and educated.
Talk to her about the situations you encounter in your own family and mention the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org; 800-799-7233). If she contacts you because he has physically hurt her, get her to the emergency room immediately. They know how to handle (and report) abuse in the home and are asked to do so.
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DEAR ABBY: Is it fair for other family members to keep dirty dishes in the sink until “after”? My wife and I have been married for 15 years, but my wife still keeps the dirty dishes in the sink every day, “until I get it”. For me, this is rude and lack of consideration. If I have enough time to use a plate or a glass, I have time to rinse it and put it in the dishwasher. Who’s right here? – RUDE IN TEXAS
DEAR RUDE: That’s right. Because you have repeatedly asked your wife not to do this, people will think that she will like you. It only takes a little while to put used dishes and utensils in the dishwasher, not let them pile up in the sink. She doesn’t care if your feelings are passive-aggressive. Consider asking her if she did so as a way to punish you for something she isn’t willing to discuss.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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