I am 59 years old and have rarely seen a father demonstrate such routine and loving and patient parenting skills to his preschool child. I’ve never seen my daughter be so happy or like a partner.
A concern arose: My daughter confided to me that Randall never said, “I love you.” She said that to him and his son (who said to her, “I love you too”), but Randall did not say it again. He told her he wanted to show her how he was feeling, rather than say nonsense.
She says that he often tells his son that he loves him, so it̵7;s not like he’s opposed to this phrase. His relationship with his former spouse ended badly, (hence he was only entitled to custody of their children), and I don’t believe he is close to his parents. me, who also divorced when he was a child.
Randall treats our daughter nicely and is extremely nice to us.
My advice to her is to be patient and don’t push him, but as the days and weeks pass, I worry that I advised her badly. What do you think?
– Hope for Happiness forever
Hope Happiness forever: My instincts and advice are the same as yours, but I’m different in that I don’t see a couple discovering this “I love you” problem as a confrontation (or “pressure”), but a conversation. She shouldn’t ask him to say, “I love you”, but ask why he believes those words don’t make sense. And she should ask herself, “If he never verbally told me he loves me, would I want to continue this relationship? Am I so focused on this that I am missing out on the other nonverbal statements he is saying? “
“Randall” sounds like a really nice guy who’s been through a lot. A counselor can help two people talk about this particular topic, and in so doing, they can learn new ways to communicate and read each other’s signals, both verbal and nonverbal.
You are an caring and engaged mother. But it’s okay to say, “I don’t know what you should do; I just know what I’m gonna do. And I will try my best to be patient ”.
Dear Amy: On behalf of myself and everyone at the Warletters.us at Chapman University, I cannot thank you for your interest in our efforts to encourage People search for and share with us war letters from all historic American conflicts.
After your column ran, we received a lot of queries from your amazing readers wanting to send us war correspondence and ongoing feedback.
Our mission is to humanize the military, their veterans and their loved ones, and the letters (and now emails) these individuals wrote during the war remind all of them. I think their sacrifices went beyond the battlefield.
It’s not just the danger of being killed or injured, but also not being there for birthdays, anniversaries and other important moments back home.
And, when the army returns, they often live with painful memories embedded in their minds.
We are also receiving war letters and emails reminding us of the best of human nature: messages of courage, resilience, compassion and even hope. . Thank you again so much for helping us to preserve the stories and voices of our extraordinary service soldiers and their families.
Andrew Carroll: As we approach Veterans’ Day, this is a great time to remember and celebrate the sacrifices made by the soldiers and their families. Readers with letters and emails sent home from military family members can check your website for instructions on how to donate these leftovers.
Your appreciation is really beautiful, and I thank you for this important work.
Dear Amy: I was not at all pleased with your response to “A worried wife,” the husband drove dangerously fast. Instead of giving out lots of stats, why don’t you tell him to stop ?!
Sad: “Anxious” said her husband drove more slowly, but pouted about that. I want to assert her stance by being true, but I agree with you (and others): He needs to stop it!
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